Everyone wants acceptance from friends, bosses, and those we love. We also search for self-acceptance, the knowledge of oneself, and satisfaction with who we have become and what we have achieved.
One other kind is not less important. A rewarding life requires assent to the terms of living, the inevitable joys and sorrows, along with all our fellow travelers in the same air and water on or above the earth.
I’m speaking of accepting the rules of the game of existence, which include how to survive, live in the moment, take joy in small things, develop resilience, and mindfulness of the shortness of time.
No other creature knows the last of these conditions. Homo sapiens do.
The other side of the equation is expecting too much and believing time is endless. Thinking we can “have it all” when no one can.
What does all mean?
Those of us in the Western World want a significant measure of wealth and the material well-being that accompanies it. Many seek status and admiration of a substantial kind and amount.
People wish to be known by a select group and accepted for who they are, though this comes with risks.
Virtually everyone prays for a long and healthy life, maintaining the body and appearance of a preferred version of an earlier self. Countless others also hope to produce robust, handsome, happy, and bright children.
Men and women search for a society fit for fellowship, laughter, liberty, and a fair chance at happiness. Most tend to believe they’d “do the right thing” while hoping the daunting challenges pass them by.
One more desire should be added to a potentially longer list. To live in a peaceful world in a country striving for justice and the flourishing climate enjoyed by our grandparents.
Since a guarantee of winning all of the above and the entirety of whatever else you seek is beyond us, I’ll add a more attainable goal.
You can’t have it all, but you can have enough with effort and good fortune. Yes, despite much of it being out of your control in the hands of fate.
No one achieves a delirious, perpetual state of happiness. Even then, it is an elevated mood not because of but in spite of misfortune–looking for life’s randomly distributed good, joyous, incidental kindnesses and strokes of luck even when obtaining joy seems foolish.
Enough depends on rewriting your objectives and discovering a decent share of happiness in a more limited life. It is accepting life’s downside.
Enough is in need of patience with time, friends, (and therapy, if necessary) to return you to the set point of well-being you used to inhabit. Something close, at least.
Enough asks you to empty most of your bucket list and change your goals as you age. You might discover that 4-star restaurants don’t matter to the extent you used to believe, and becoming the chief of the tribe carries more unhappiness than the status it confers.
Enough is recognizing the day is short and choosing a modified catalog of priorities because you realize earthly eternity is out of reach.
Enough means learning to give to others and honoring their value as more fulfilling than receiving riches from them.
Enough is doing your part to repair the world. And being accepted by a few of those with the open hearts you seek.
You have one life. None of us will ever know all the universe’s secrets, win every game, produce a squad of Olympic gold medal children, and never encounter the people who like to fight.
There will always be scoundrels.
Will you rate your life high only if you do and see everything, with a perfect score on each new test?
Shooting for all the glorious targets exists in our imagination but not elsewhere. You, those you love, and the planet depend on a more nuanced set of expectations and efforts.
Modesty, humility, and acceptance provide a softer landing place.
Safe travels.
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The top photo is of A Local Morning Fish Market at Lake Awasa, Ethiopia. Next comes Sunset on the Candian Plains in Saskatchewan in August 2023. They are both the work of Laura Hedien, with her kind permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.
Dr. Gerald Stein 
“I wish you enough!” What a wonderful blessing!
In Finland, dubbed the happiest nation, is a belief that often less is more. They won’t build a mansion for themselves when they may only need a 1 or 2 bedroom house. They don’t fill their homes with expensive trinkets when only the most meaningful things make them happy.
A simple life brings more peace than a powerful life.
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Wonderful, Tamara! I have never heard that expression until now. It fits perfectly into a reminder of how to have a satisfying life.
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Yes, the trick to finding happiness and satisfaction in life is to be appreciative of what we have and not to keep yearning to always live as large as a king!
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Humility and gratitude help me to remember that “enough” is a powerful word. Revel in it, be thankful – if I’m considering my life and good fortune – and if there are “remainders” look for others in need. I love your essay on this topic because “enough” also reminds me that I can be intolerant and expect more from others. When leaders and persons with power and privilege fail to see beyond their own gains. Never enough.
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Well, you’ve captured the sentiment, Vicki. We live in a world where “too much is enough,” meaning that for many there is never enough. But contentment, in the measure we are allowed, takes a road that allows for sufficiency to be sufficient. Thanks!
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Thank you! 😉
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Thank you, Gerald, for this gentle reminder to take inventory… to appreciate the things we DO have, not to feel lack or to be diminished by the things we don’t have.
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Thanks, Frank. Sometimes it takes most of a lifetime to get to that level of appreciation. A pity, because one is otherwise left with an unnecessary sense of regret at the end.
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There is such power and alongside that also freedom in the knowledge of “enough”. Love your simple and wise list Dr. Stein.
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Agreed, Deb. As you suggest, the power and freedom come from not being hostage to all the unnecessaries we want. Thank you!
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Dr. Stein, thanks for sharing your insights and wisdom of the pitfalls in believing that “having it all” would lead to acceptance and self-worth. I’ve found that it takes heavy doses of “modesty, humility, and [self]-acceptance” to lead a simple life when those around you consider you a failure for not having the trappings of a successful life.
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Agreed, Rosaliene. We need to find like minded people who value more than material enhancement. It is not always easy, but if they are found, they will often share many other values with us. Thank you, Rosaliene.
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Enough – that’s so wise, Dr. Stein. It makes me think if we adjust our focus to “enough” that it shifts our thinking from what we don’t have to what we do. Beautiful piece that leaves me feeling filled up — with enough!
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Yes, a shift in focus. Sounds easy, though I imagine few things outside of physical bravery are more difficult. I glad you have already shown the benefits. Thanks, Wynne.
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Oh, this is so good – I especially love your ending; “Modesty, humility, and acceptance provide a softer landing place.” – not always easy to live that way, but I’m trying! Linda x
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Thank you, Linda. Very kind of you. Keep trying. The best we can do.
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🥰
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As I mature I am socially withdrawing and are fine with it. Hope that means I’m not becoming a curmudgeon?! 🙂
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I suspect it might have to do with making choices and deciding what is most important, Laura. For purely selfish reasons, I am glad bringing beauty to the world still appears to be on your list. Thank you.
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LOL.. and I am glad to assist in sharing the beauty of things. So blessed to be able to travel. Perhaps I enjoy a more “lose” interaction with society. :)
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A traditional Passover song sung at the seder meal is “Dayeinu”, from the Hebrew word meaning, “It would have been enough”. There are 15 stanzas, each listing a kindness bestowed upon by the Creator, and after each statement of gratitude the refrain is “Dayeinu!” So, your post is quite apropos as the Passover holiday approaches. As a fan of your blog, I would like to say thank you for the many years of service to your readers. Had you only written for 1 year, then Dayeinu! דַּיֵּנוּ
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Thank you for this lesson, Evelyn. Somehow I sense a sadness in those five words, as well as an expression of gratitude. I will dwell on them.
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We are so done with the four-star restaurants. Enough for us is a nice pizza with an ice cream for dessert. Everything you listed here is true, and I think this realization comes with aging which also brings wisdom. Enough for me is being at home with my husband, and doing a lot of cooking. We prefer this to restaurants. Enough for me is a quiet life versus running around trying to please everyone. I have been working hard with making this change, and I am succeeding. Enough for me is sitting on my patio during the warmer months, watching the birds visit my birdbath. This was a nice post, Dr. Stein. I hope all is well with you.
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Many thanks, Nancy. I am glad you are moving in a fulfilling direction. Not everyone discovers the wisdom age can bring. You have. All the best.
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