“Not Invited,” “Picked Last,” and Other Small Tragedies of Childhood

Unless you were a charismatic or popular child, you know what it feels like to be the lone person uninvited to a party.

Let’s say a bunch of boys chose sides for a ball game, and you were picked last. Then, if worse is possible, your chums assigned you the job of patrolling right field, the spot on the baseball diamond from which you would inflict the least damage.

Females are subject to similar challenges. Remember when you tried to join a circle of girls engaged in conversation, only to find them falling silent upon your approach? Breaking the hush, the leader told you the meeting was private.

Humiliation, embarrassment, sadness, and chagrin—call it what you may—the wound lingers. Indeed, it survives long enough that you are now thinking of an example from your life.

Bummer.

Most kids want to be part of the group. Being chosen last or uninvited sets you apart. Your secret is the topic of gossip.

Until you are among the unselected, you might be unaware you are considered a poor athlete, unpopular, or both. Once identified, however, you know it, as does everyone else.

This happens to adults, too. One such event happened at a psychiatric hospital staff meeting I attended.

The psychology section held an election for president and secretary. Two people competed for the former office and only one for the latter. The candidates left the room before the vote, allowing discussion before asking for a show of hands.

The selection of the next president took little time. Afterward, the choice of secretary occurred, an outcome thought assured since the only person who wanted the job ran unopposed.

Not so fast. The candidate wasn’t well thought of. Thus, while the unfortunate fellow remained outside, someone nominated the just-defeated presidential candidate to run against him. Sure enough, the unwanted gentleman lost.

This was the only time I witnessed the embarrassing defeat of someone who was the sole office seeker moments before.

You can imagine how this turn of events struck the man who believed his ascension to the secretary position was a formality. Playing right field would have felt terrific by comparison.

No one wants to stand out in that way. They don’t wish to be the kid who brings the worst gift to their friend’s birthday celebration. Nor does anyone want to wear clothes that are different from their classmates: outdated, too large, too small, or too worn.

Does a youngster hope to be the poor soul whose less-than-adept mother cuts his hair for the first time?

A young lady doesn’t want to be the one who “isn’t allowed” to wear makeup, use lipstick, or have hair arranged in yesterday’s style.

Not every psychic injury inflicted during childhood occurs at home. It’s a wonder a team of therapists isn’t stationed on the playground to deal with the walking wounded. Little children’s resilience must be impressive to permit them to survive and flourish despite the hard experience of youthful innocence.

The next time your son or daughter comes home in distress, slow down and take a moment. Consider encouraging your offspring to recount his misfortune.

A playground only appears to be a place where happy moments predominate. The space also serves as a battleground or a forge in which a personality is shaped, emotions are managed, and children’s vulnerability is taxed. Young people learn to negotiate the choppy waters of life in such places.

Remember the tenderness of your feelings? What helped you to bounce back from unhappiness in the best way?

“Be there” for the ones you love. You are their guardians, after all.

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The top image is called Rejection by Mjt16, sourced from Wikimedia Commons. Below it is Soul and Tears by Laura Burch, sourced from Wikiart.org/